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Many people who are considering a divorce understandably find the prospect of taking the first steps very daunting and don't really know where to start.  Despite the many horror stories that you may have heard, it is possible for a divorce to progress smoothly, if you are sensible.

Emotions are a big factor in this, and whilst it may feel difficult at times, by not letting your emotions take over, you can help avoid increasing your divorce costs.   The following tips are not an exhaustive list but may help you succeed in having a smoother divorce which ultimately will cost you less and may mean that you remain on reasonably good terms with your ex and this can only benefit you both, particularly if you have children.

1.     Talk to each other – it is much cheaper if you are able to discuss matters with your spouse before going to see a solicitor and during the process. You can save a lot of costs by trying to reach as much agreement with your partner as possible.

2.    Do not involve any third party – is it can be tempting to name a third party if this is the reason why your marriage broke down, however this can be a costly exercise.  If you name another person in the divorce petition, they also need to be served with and reply to the papers - this can increase your cost and can also delay matters.  My view is why should any third party become involved in what is your personal business.  Ultimately it probably won't make you feel any better. 

3.    Try to agree the reasons for the divorce with your spouse  -  if you can agree the details of the divorce petition, it is less likely to upset the other party.  Remember, it is not necessary to include every single bad thing that the other person has done.  Whilst it can be tempting to do this, remember it is unlikely to help you in the long run and may cause bad feeling which is less likely to lead to an agreement.

4.     Don’t involve the children – It is not a good idea to tell the children exactly what is happening - think about the effect that this will have on them. Many children in these situations feel torn between their parents and they don't need additional pressure being placed on their shoulders, it is not fair on them.

5.    Think before you defend a divorce – You will incur additional cost if you defend the divorce proceedings - think how far will it get you.  If you agree that the marriage has broken down, and you agree to a divorce but you don’t necessarily agree with what has been said about you, sometimes it is easier just to say that you don't accept the details of the petition but you agree the marriage has broken down and therefore agree to the divorce going ahead.

6.    Be realistic when you discuss  finances - Take care when deciding what you and your spouse needs financially.   It is important to be realistic. For example, if you have children, the main priority is to try and ensure they have a roof over their head. 

7.    Be honest with your disclosure of assets  – it is important you are both aware of each other's financial situation and what money is available. If you try to hide anything it will cause suspicion and possibly delay proceedings and ultimately it will most likely cause bad feeling. If you are open and honest with your disclosure at the outset it makes life a lot easier and you are more likely to reach an agreement.

8.     Try not to argue over small issues . – It can be very tempting to argue over smaller items, for example house contents but bear in mind how much these items are actually worth.  I find sometimes people tend to forget this - be careful not to spend more arguing over an item than it is actually worth  – it can be an expensive exercise!  

9.    Try mediation – if you find it difficult to talk to each other, a trained mediator may be able to assist you in reaching an agreement.

10.    Choose a solicitor who is a member of Resolution – Resolution solicitors deal with matters in a non-confrontational way and this can save you money and stress. 

Claire Parsons
Associate Solicitor
Coole & Haddock Solicitors
http://www.cooleandhaddock.co.uk/lawyers/claire-parsons/