Food, LOTS of it!



If music be the food of love play on, wrote Shakespeare in his delightful play “Twelfth Night”, and both food and 12th night are relevant here, as we are heading into that end of the year Christmas period!
Whatever the period, events or day of Christmas mean to you, it is almost certain that it will involve food at times, and as my somewhat blunt but portent of foreboding title says, lots of it!
Any attempts at diets, moderation or even sensibility largely (sorry lol ) go “out of the window”, and more likely with much of it, in the food remains bin!
My increasing years go back to those days when everything wasn’t in so much abundance, and thus Christmas was a time of unusual luxury and opportunity to have those things not normally available or affordable.
But fear not I’m not about to bleat, complain or lecture,only merely to point out as any poet “worth his salt” should do, that in these days of extreme excesses, and perhaps latent gluttony around the “Festive Season”, many scales, stomachs and good personal health are at great risk!
This is brought home to us, albeit with comedy, in a past “Christmas edition” of the television series “The Vicar of Dibley”, where Geraldine, the obese female vicar, has to accept three invitations to Christmas dinner! Of course this isn’t real, and is a hilarious situation which gets worse for her, but how many people I wonder almost literally “stuff themselves silly” around the table?
Time for my poem “IS it Merry Christmas?” then, that is in my 3rd book and also reached national finals before being published nationally as well this year….

IS it Merry Christmas?

Christmas cheer fills the world
All ready for that special day,
Got to have the greatest meal
For the best ever family day.
Smiling faces beam for the photo
All happy sat round the table.
Well mostly smiling, some just trying,
To look as happy as they’re able!

For Christmas isn’t all it seems
Despite your spending and the drinking,
And peace on earth, goodwill to men
Isn’t really what most are thinking!

It all has to be done, put on a show
Make sure the kids presents are the best,
For when they all return to school
Their parents must pass this test.

Not much cheer in the Christmas crush
Battling each other in the shops,
To get all excesses in good time,
You must pull out all the stops.
Or be deprived of those luxuries
The adverts scream you must buy,
So your greatest day stresses soar
No matter just how hard you try.

For Christmas isn’t all it seems
Despite your spending and the drinking,
And peace on earth, goodwill to men
Isn’t really what most are thinking!

Greed mentality takes over dwellings
Cramming supplies up to the walls,
As if to withstand some long siege
This one day battle is made for fools
Who succumb to the media demands,
And empty their banks and cash flow.
So after the fuss and waste is done
It’s not worth seeing your money go.

But I’m no Scrooge or killjoy at all
I like a booze up too, that I must say,
Though I really can’t help thinking
How nice if it was Christmas every day.
And not the seasons bloating scene
With It’s pushing and shoving crowd,
Who cannot see that just being nice
All long year round is still allowed!

So a cynical, but most probably accurate look in many cases, of Christmas time for many! Yes how very different from those days when it really meant having “luxuries”, but we won’t go back to that discussion, and “OH”, hang on a second whilst I juggle my mobile phone and another mince pie!

Talking of that, or more precisely, FOOD again, I must own up to my programme around Christmas! Not in the league of Geraldine, our Dibley vicar’s case of all on one day, but with various groups and associations that I belong to, I am down for about six “Christmas lunches or dinners” in December, without counting THE day!
I will also admit that last year in a desperation for change I had a “Chinese” frozen food “Christmas” meal, and very nice too!

Quick another poem, but no respite as it’s entitled “A Growing Problem” and from my 3rd book, “Reviews of Life in Verse”….

A Growing Problem

It’s said that what goes up in the air
Must come back down to earth.
Sadly all that goes in your mouth
Mostly stays to spread your girth.

For you’re not the size to miss easily,
If your are eating and drinking tea.
When always seen with food to hand
You say that we just don’t understand,
That as a “foodaholic” you must eat
As your pigging out you cannot beat!
So don’t you moan, to us one and all
If your clothes are now all too small.

So in a world where people are fatter
Most large folk say it doesn’t matter,
To keep on over eating will be alright
Buying new clothes if others get tight.

But as we get older, bodies get tired
And most obese will have expired.
So before this, with a labouring heart,
You can get around in a mobility cart!

A bit of a warning there, and as well to take notice of, so just have a look, (dodging and leaping out of the way of all the mobility scooters as you do) and you will surely see what I mean!
All very depressing or a “put down” then before the oncoming “pig out” time, but please don’t take my word for it, and even ignore my “poetic warnings”, for I’m totally sure you won’t over indulge or even weigh lots more after Christmas! Or will you?
Just a slight touch of “poetic irony” there, but obviously it won’t mean or effect your good selves……

Another poem in the same “lots of food” theme follows on, called “Fitness Coach” and appears in my 3rd book entitled “Reviews of Life in Verse”.

Fitness Coach

A lot of people are getting bigger
Whatever the cause it’s true,
On a train, bus or even a plane
There’s less seating room for you!

Our cars are larger now as well
To carry massive folks about,
For to drive, or get in small cars
Many just wouldn’t have a shout.

So when buying you must think
Of size, as much as the cash deal.
Whilst the money is important
Can you squeeze behind the wheel?

Of course these large social tanks
Require a lot more traffic room,
And in a country that seems to shrink
It can only spell road doom.

As most people now won’t walk
To get to their chosen destination,
And with bigger diets and less exercise
This is a lethal combination.

So now this vicious circle of life
Will only lead to earlier fates,
For these bigger cars, carry bigger folks
Who are now much heavier weights!

Just before I end this pre- Christmas message and article on food consumption, I really must take my tongue out of my cheek, (you surely guessed didn’t you ? ) and wish everybody, one and all, a great Festive Season!
IF you wish to, or DO over eat, I am sure that your clothes will continue to fit after you have slimmed back down by the middle of January! Possibly NOT January 2018, or even 2019, but of course fit you sometime they will! Happy Christmas…

I can’t end without another (sardonic?) request that is contained in my last offering from my 4th book “Life Scene in Verse” with the poem title “Tripe and Onions”

Tripe and Onions

Tripe and onions, bangers and mash
Even spaghetti bog as well,
These are meals we love to have
But why do we have a need to tell
About everything we eat and drink
On news and social media’s view?
For if that is not all enough
We have to see photos of it too!

Here is our lovely meal just served
Doesn’t it all look rather grand,
With a photo of smiling faces
Just for fun you understand?

So now a full view of ordered meal
To be scoffed by the wild rovers,
And yes that we can just about take
But not the photos of your left overs!

With shots of half eaten bits of food
Or perhaps a plate that’s almost clean.
As it was the best food ever you said,
As if we had all never been
Out for a meal or even a banquet
As that’s how your description seems,
To us spectators on media logged
And seeing everybody’s dreams.

Though I must admit to my cynicism
Like Mister Shakespeare’s touch.
For if everything is so wonderful
Why do you have to say so much?
About the very best of food
That only you seem to have had.
So come on you can’t really believe,
We don’t all think you a little sad?

All five of my books :–

Poetic Views of Life
More Poetic Views of Life
Reviews of Life in Verse &
Life Scene in Verse
Life Presented In Verse,

will all ensure my donation to the excellent charity I support, promote and donate to, that being Help for Heroes.
My first 3 books are only priced £4. 99 each, with my 4th and bigger book (Life Scene in Verse) at £6.99 are all for sale on Amazon, or from me ………….. Or 07967 355236

I can now also write a “Personal Poem” for you, your family, any event or your business too…….

Cheers, Laurie


About Author

I am a five times now published modern down to earth poet, originally from east London, now living in Eastbourne. I support & fund raise for the charity Help for Heroes, and also donate to them from all my book sales.

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