The Computer
Purchasing a new computer was the one thing that Gregory wanted. His early Sinclair model was not capable of serving his needs on the big wide open spaces of the Internet. Transferring of programmes and files were going to be difficult to get across to his new toy although with advance of technology and with the extra ports, usb’s and the like, it would be possible to make the transition although it would be painfully slow.
Gregory decided to abandon this idea for the moment as he was keen to experiment with the added on equipment that was available and ready to go. All he had to do was press a button. His 32 inch monitor screen swallowed him up and the three dimension picture was something to behold, although blurry at first until he found the special spectacles and placing them over his eyes he exclaimed, ‘WOW!’
He heard distant voices and he was asked to put the volume up, which he did. The voice boomed out at him. ‘It’s too loud Gregory.’ In a daze Gregory brought the volume down to a reasonable hearing level.
The voice said, ‘We don’t want the neighbours complaining about excessive noise, do we?’
Gregory hesitated and blurted out, ‘No!’
‘Are you sitting comfortably Gregory? Then I’ll begin to tell you what miracles you can do with this computer.’
The voice in the computer rattled on at a comfortable pace with illustrations to enhance each instruction. After two hours, Gregory got up, he needed a pee.
The voice said ‘Where are you going?’
Gregory stopped in his tracks.
‘Can you see me?’
‘Yes of course I can.’
‘I need a comfort break.’
‘Oh!’ said the computer. ‘I don’t have to do that, but I can if you want me to.’
‘No it’s fine honestly, I won’t be long and I do need to get a drink as well.’
‘Well!’ said the computer, ‘I can’t see any logical reasons why you should get a drink, it will only exacerbate you wanting to have another comfort break later.’
‘I’m thirsty!’
‘Hmm! Strange habits you humans have.’
The voice said, ‘While you’ve gone I will rearrange your filing system which should take all of a millisecond and if you are gone for a quarter of an hour I will do what is necessary to make life easy for you to operate your new computer.’
‘What are you going to do?’
‘About three million tedious chores which should take me ten minutes and I will transfer all your other files in the extra five minutes.’
‘How are you going to do that?’
‘Just leave it to me, don’t worry.’
With that Gregory left his office.
* * *
Gregory wanted so much to get back to his office before fifteen minutes lapsed as he was eager to find out how his computer was going to transfer the files from the Sinclair computer. He sneaked upstairs with coffee cup in his hand, hoping he missed the creaking floorboard on the landing. He successfully tip-toed to the door hinge space and looked through and to his amazement saw the old discs fly from the shelves in his office and as if the new computer had a face and a mouth, swallowed them. There was a whirring noise and the computer made a noise like a belching sound and out flew the discs back on their shelves.
‘Oh do come in.’ said the computer, ‘You’ll get a cold in your eyes. So you know one of my secrets, you’re the first human to have witnessed that operation and before you act like a programmer and I act like an ordinary computer, I’ll have to put you in a trance and tell you to forget the whole episode.’
Gregory sat down in front of the computer again, the monitor went blank. Gregory thought he had done something to offend the computer and started to apologise for creeping up and witnessing something he shouldn’t have.
‘No!’ said the computer, ‘I was just using my thinking capabilities and processing the final stages of the work that needed to be put in place. Your security and safety features are in place, I don’t want hackers invading my domain, but if they attempt I have a nasty surprise for them. It’s absolutely shocking, they will not live another day, another mystery for the police to try and solve.
The computer monitor lit up and before Gregory’s eyes was a picture of a long corridor. It appeared endless and waiting on the other side of the screen in a picture was an Android, it was beckoning Gregory to come in. Gregory was unable to take in what was happening and the computer voice said, ‘Lean forward, that’s all you’ve got to do. Gregory disappeared into the monitor screen and was standing next to the Android who explained that he was operating the computer system.
‘Don’t worry about your computer. I have placed a message on the screen. Don’t turn off – updating in progress.’
‘It’s my wife I’m worried about, she won’t know where I am and tell you the truth I can’t believe it myself.’
‘Don’t worry.’ said the computer, ‘I left her a typed message stating that you have gone back to the shop to get the instruction manual that the shop had forgotten to put with me, I didn’t put me, I put computer, well you know what I mean.’
Gregory wasn’t sure whether he had bought a computer with attitude and he felt sure or was hoping he was one of a kind.
The Android said he knew what Gregory was thinking and no he wasn’t the only computer of its kind and that he was the twenty seven millionth computer to be installed by a human and their object was to inject peace around the whole globe and would Gregory mind if he, the Android just called him Greg as he found the syllables for his computerised brain to understand took a certain amount of effort.
Gregory didn’t mind.
The Android moved silently along the corridor and Greg followed. They came to a door and the Android opened it and it looked as if the room was full of starving people. They were begging for food. The Android shut the door and moved further on and opened another door. There were soldiers in trenches shooting at an invisible invader and they were being killed. They were dressed strangely and Greg assumed he was witnessing the World War One. The next moment he saw the enactment of the World War Two and subsequently all the wars that followed. The Android shut the door and moved on and came across another door. The Android opened the door as he had done before and all those inside the room were convicted murderers, rapists and other heinous crimes.
Greg said he was horrified to see such terrible events.
The Android said. ‘That’s what you humans do best – leave the starving to starve, start wars and then murder each other and sometimes for nothing really important and only if you think it is the right thing to do.’
‘There are another 1,000 doors along this corridor containing all things that shouldn’t happen on this earth. Do you wish to continue?’
‘No!’ said Greg, ‘I’ve seen enough.’
* * *
Gregory’s office door opened and his wife comes in and said, ‘How are you getting on with the new computer, made any startling new discoveries yet?’
She placed a cup of tea on the desk and kissed him on the cheek and said ‘I see you’re very busy.’
‘No! Not really, everything is done for you. Think of a letter – you know – your sister, just say the words of what you want to write.’
‘You’re kidding me.’
‘No. Just say the words.’
‘Dear Doreen,
I hope you are well and we are looking forward to seeing you at Christmas.’
The screen went blank for a moment and then the words came on the screen, the printer came on and printed her letter and had even signed her name.
‘Gosh! Does it do other things?’
Gregory stared at the larger than life monitor and sighed, ‘You don’t know the half of it!’
