This time of year is great for pupils in Year Six. SATS tests are finished, the focus is on moving to a new school and the children get to spend time rehearsing for their end of year production – and it is obvious from the standard of the show at Sir Henry Fermor Primary School in Crowborough, that the children have rehearsed a great deal.
With the main hall packed with parents and friends, it is “standing room only” as 56, out of the cast of 57, children march proudly down the centre aisle and take their seats, either side of the stage.
The programme tells us that we are here to see Porridge, a story of villainy and crime, by Craig Hawes, but a quick look at the costumes reveals that we are not here to see the revival of a 1970’s sit-com based in a prison as, although there are policemen, we can also see lumberjacks, waitresses, billy goats, nursery rhyme characters and a cow!
The tale that we are here to witness is narrated by Jack Spratt (Nicholas), a private detective from Happy Valley. Goldie Lox (Jessica) has arrived at his office, late in the evening, desperately looking for help to solve a crime that could destroy the valley. Papa Bear (James H), he of the famous porridge story, is looking to expand his empire and is creating a crime wave to disguise the fact that he wants to turn Happy Valley into a massive porridge factory.
The script is loaded with some extremely corny, but also a lot of very funny, one-liners which are consistently delivered with clarity, skill, and superb timing. There are almost as many songs as there are jokes in this very entertaining show, with rousing chorus numbers filling the air, a poignant duet by Junior Bear (Marco) and Goldie Lox (Jessica), and a show-stopping solo from Simple Simon (Alfie).
News reporters Rusty Hairclips (Abigail) and Dwayne Pipe (Heidi) help with the narration and move the story on at a perfect pace, as do the stage hands, Charlie and Oliver, who never miss a cue, and switch through the many scenes quickly and carefully.
Some of the funniest scenes are the dairy, where Marigold the Cow (Manny) delivers a number of pre-packaged milk based items, the operating theatre where Doctor Foster (Max) is almost too busy admiring himself to actually mend a cracked Humpty Dumpty (Callum) and the lumberjacks – who were so funny they even made themselves laugh.
I mentioned earlier that 56 out of 57 children had arrived at the start. This leaves one more character to be added to the crazy antics happening on stage. In a costume that would make the very best pantomime dame jealous, Mother Hubbard (Finley), makes his/her way down the aisle and onto the stage to take command of proceedings.
Simple Simon takes care of the silly old cow – no, not her, Marigold! – but can’t prevent her from being cow-napped which leads us into the most impeccably timed and perfectly executed finale where cases of cash and bags of nuts are mistaken for bags of blueprints and stolen recipe books – but luckily, it all works out in the end and Happy Valley is saved!
Both year six teachers should be very proud of the amazing performances by their very talented students and the extremely high standard of this production, which earned a heartfelt standing ovation from a delighted audience, and a glowing tribute, after the curtain calls, from Headteacher, Mr Sutton-Smith.
***** Five Stars
