It is crucial that from a fairly young age we learn the facts of life. No, not the nudge, nudge, wink, wink facts of life about birds, bees and reproduction, but more everyday type facts. Murphy’s law sort of facts that we must come to terms with as the old adage warns and advises: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong!
So what are these facts exactly? Blooming stacks of them, from trying to hurry and knocking something over, snagging your coat to not reading a label properly. More haste less speed my good old mum used to say, and of course she was right. Well, mostly right, because on the other side if you don’t hurry a bit you might miss your train or bus. Yes the dilemma is exactly that, you actually can’t always win, for rushing about can cause little accidents, and big ones of course, but if not hurrying you may miss out on your time schedule.
Thus we must ponder on when is a fact not a fact but good advice, and that the good advice on occasions isn’t always the best option. Now perhaps that is why it’s called Murphy’s law, for it isn’t really a law or advice. More of lessons to learn or an ominous warning!
Think it is first poem time then and maybe it will put all into perspective about facts of life, advice and things going wrong. From my second book a poem called Little Things.
Little Things
Our life is full of irritations
Yes, they’re mostly just a glitch,
But if they all go wrong together
It really can make life a bitch!
Any time you’re in a hurry
And you need to be out the door,
Then you’ll knock something over
And watch it spread across the floor.
Something slips out of your fingers
So you bend to get it back,
Only then you see and realise
Its fallen through the smallest crack.
Liquid can be really tricky
As you determine not to spill,
But sure as eggs are eggs
It is certain that you will!
And not a little drop of liquid
However the amount you’ve got,
For when “Murphy” makes the rules
You will spill the flipping lot!
My main hated little nuisance
That can make me lose my rag,
Is anything you’re moving
Will be sure to catch or snag.
These small things sent to try us
Like the little “three foot judge”,
Ensure when undoing something
It will determine not to budge.
I guess the most famous hate
Is when buttering some bread,
And knowing that if you drop it
It will land on the side that’s spread.
Our life is full of irritations
Yes, they’re mostly just a pain,
But if they all go wrong together
They can make you go insane!
One sad fact that is for certain
Is that if you get cross and sore,
Those little things that bug you
Will just happen more and more.
So perhaps the best salvation
Is to seek refuge in your bed,
But if “Murphy” has his way again
You will fall out on your head!
Yes it is a fact of life that those little things testing and trying us when they go wrong can certainly get us down. However I have heard one theory that perhaps there is more to some of “Murphy’s Law” than meets a cynical eye. A classic form of this is on dropping a slice of bread or toast it will always land buttered side down, but I have heard, somewhat disbelievingly that its because the buttered side is heavier? Well, you can believe that if you will because my sardonic opinion on that theory is that it’s originator knew which side their bread was buttered! Sorry about that and I will move quickly on with my next poem, again following the little trials of life theme and it is called All or Something.
All or Something
Life is a feast or famine
And never seems to even out,
Either all the land is flooding
Or we’re suffering a drought.
If you want to catch a bus
You are standing like a dunce,
Past your final waiting time
Then four will come at once!
Luck seems to be the same
You will get every call right,
Then quickly as it changes
You lose everything in sight.
Getting your finances done
Bills paid with money left,
When a run of expenses come
And all at once you are bereft.
Fishermen cast their bait
And the nets are filled tight,
But then there is a long time
With not one single bite.
Is it a game that’s played
By angels and mascots creed?
That allows a win sometimes
Before stopping all our greed.
Perhaps it’s our perception
Of what we want to obtain.
But whatever does befall us
We must get back up again!
Facts of life not withstanding then, we must at least always try our best. It may sometimes not be enough though, and perhaps on occasions we try too hard, but do our best we must, mainly for our own credibility and conscience too.
I guess that it’s during these “doing our best but not good enough” periods that “good ol’ Murphy” and the aforementioned facts of life come to mock, taunt and try our patience, so I am going to introduce a new strategy you will like, well most will I think. Laurie’s Law! If your best is not working and all appears to be conspiring against you, invoke “Laurie’s Law”. Down tools, or whatever, use Anglo Saxon language, perhaps best under your breath and go for a beer. Yeah, Laurie’s Law rules!!!
My next poem now, and one describing a really annoying occurrence, but please read it and perhaps you may not feel so alone next time it happens to you, and it will! It is called Spot of Bother.
Spot of Bother
A crispy blouse or clean white shirt
Are almost certain to attract the dirt,
So however hard you try not to be rude
You will still blot your top with food,
That you observe with great dismay
For it will always happen that way.
But some food types that you chose
Are guaranteed to spoil your clothes,
With a spot here, or a splash there
Despite your best attempts at care,
For with some food it’s best to be petty
Like that messy, tricky spaghetti.
So when spruced up so smart and clean
You will make mess that’s easily seen,
With blobs and slops down your front
The poorest eyesight won’t need to hunt.
And the more you rub and wipe the stain
It will look much worse and still remain.
But men have a problem very grave
If hurrying too much when they shave,
And nick themselves, though not too big
It will still bleed just like a stuck pig,
So that you wish you’d left off your top
When your bleeding refuses to stop,
And now you’re due to go smartly out
So that being on time is a big doubt.
As you must rapidly change your attire
Your readiness now goes down to the wire,
Till at last again all dressed to thrill
But any chance to stay clean is virtually nil.
So that is my offerings on Facts of Life, and I hope you at least feel it is not just you suffering, though that may be small consolation if you feel heavily conspired upon, so that could well be the time for Laurie’s Law…..
Cheers, Laurie (The Psychy Poet)
All three of my books :–
Poetic Views of Life
MORE Poetic Views of Life &
Reviews of Life in Verse
Will ensure my donation to the excellent charity I support, promote and donate to, that being Help for Heroes and my books only priced £4. 99p each are all on sale at Amazon, or from me at …………….. lw1800@hotmail.co.uk
I also have a Facebook page “The Psychy Poet Laurie Wilkinson”
