One thing we will all find ourselves facing in our lives is the loss of a loved one, whether it is a friend or family member. Grieving is a natural process; there is no right or wrong way to go about dealing with loss and grief. You must allow yourself to progress through your emotions naturally and not worry about how you “should” act.
However, by learning more about the grief process, stages of grief and the diverse ways people grieve, you can recognise your own emotions and learn how to deal with them in a way that will help your emotional and mental health.
Grief is a natural emotional response when you lose a loved one.
Feeling grief is a perfectly natural reaction to a loss in your life, although the depths of your emotional suffering can seem overwhelming or like they may never end. Working through this emotion is an experience everyone deals with when confronting the death of a loved one.
There are no fixed rules as to what grief makes you feel, the intensity of your feelings, and how long the feeling will last. Different people will react to the loss of loved ones differently; reactions can depend upon your personality, emotional make-up, past traumas, and religious or spiritual outlook. The most important thing is to allow yourself to feel what you feel and not feel guilty, pressured, or stressed if others judge that you are not grieving in the “right” way.
What emotions do you feel when dealing with loss and grief?
Grief is a powerful maelstrom of mixed and unpredictable emotions which can include shock, numbness, detachment, extreme depression, guilt, anger, and a sense of injustice. You may find that you feel two or three emotions strongly or a wide range of feelings alternately which descend with little warning or logical reason. None of these feelings are wrong.
What are the five stages of grief?
You will have most likely heard of the “five stages of grief” before. This term was first coined by psychiatrist E Kubler Ross in 1969 based on her work with terminal students. These generalized stages are by no means all-encompassing and contrary to common myths, you don’t have to work through each phase successively to get over your grief healthily.
But looking through these stages and recognizing your own emotions can help you to reassure yourself that what you are feeling is both natural and expected.
- Are you struggling to accept that the loss has occurred at all?
- Do you find yourself looking for someone to blame, whether this is a person, society, or spiritual figure?
- Are you trying to find ways around the loss? Eg. If you behave in a certain way from now on, your loved one won’t be gone.
- Do you find yourself overwhelmed with sadness to the point that you can’t do anything?
- Have you managed to come to terms with the fact that the loss has occurred?
Remember that there are no rules and you do not need to follow these stages nor feel all of them at all. Your own individual journey through your grief is what is most natural for you.
What can you do when you are overwhelmed when dealing with loss and grief?
When you are dealing with grief there are some steps you can take if you need help, support, or understanding during your grief process. These include:
- Don’t judge yourself. First, learn to forgive yourself and understand that no matter what society or others may say, the way you are grieving is perfectly natural for you as an individual.
- Lean on family and friends. Although it may be tempting, don’t isolate yourself in your grief. Sharing memories, your feelings, and talking through your thoughts with the people who love you can be incredibly helpful when working through your emotions.
- Allow yourself as much time as you need. Do not follow any rules or expectations about how long you feel grief. There are too many emotional variables and different life experiences to come up with a general guide for this incredibly powerful emotion.
- Don’t be afraid to seek professional help or therapy. If you feel overwhelmed with your grief to the point that you cannot cope, never be afraid to seek outside help. A kind, supportive and professional service will help to support you through the grieving process.
- Look after your physical health. Eating and drinking can feel like the last things you want to do during grief, much less taking steps to move around physically. But ensuring that you look after your health and hygiene is important, and making sure that you fulfill your nutritional needs and get your vitamins will help to support your emotional health. Physical exercise may also help to get endorphins flowing and allow you to work out your stress, anger, and tension.
Make sure to take the time to appreciate your family and friends around you.
One of the biggest and most important lessons you can learn from dealing with grief is that life is short, and you need to take advantage of the time you have with the people closest to you. Make sure that you take the time to keep in regular contact with those you love and to cultivate your friendships so you will have no regrets later on.
Don’t allow the unimportant parts of life to take over from the essential, core values of family and friendship. No high-powered job, glamorous lifestyle factors, or money accumulation can compete with the real, true happiness that comes from spending time with those you love.
Loss and the grief process is a reminder of exactly how much we still have to lose and how we should hold those we love close to us while we can. Although you may find it difficult to deal with people when you are dealing with loss and grief, it is important to make sure that you do not isolate yourself entirely.
