I’ve got a bit of a thing for cycles at the moment, and rightly so. Everything in life is a cycle seeking completion. A need arises, we feel it, we do something about it, we feel good from meeting the need, we chill out and wait for the next need to arise. From the basic need to breathe, drink or eat, to the more complex need to complete your studies, or finish that novel. Even the niggling desire to swap the cushions on your sofa counts as a need to be met. This is a viewpoint I first read about in Gestalt teachings, it’s called the Cycle of Gestalt Formation and Destruction (‘Gestalt’ being a rather un-interpret-able German word; it describes a concept that you could call a state, or state of being, or a situation, a collection of feelings – all sorts!).
Let’s look first at the most basic cycle which we all experience from moment to moment – the cycle of the breath. We feel a need to inhale (a signal from the brain). Our diaphragm (among other muscles) contracts and pulls down, expanding the space in the chest and drawing in fresh air and oxygen. Ah, that’s better. That need is met. We rest for a second. Then our brain signals ‘that’s enough, time to breathe out’ and the chest muscles relax, forcing the old air and excess CO2 out of our bodies. Ah, that’s better, rest for a moment. Oh now we need more oxygen again… and on and on it goes until the very end.
But what happens when something prevents a need from being met? Obviously, if that’s the breath, Game Over. Simples. But what about other needs, like the need for touch, the need for reassurance, the need for a certain type of food to balance the body’s dietary requirements? The need to express displeasure, or pleasure for that matter. Well, we develop coping mechanisms. Alternative ways of doing or being that mimic on some level the sensation of the need being met, even though it really has not. Like drinking alcohol to relax, instead of going to sleep. Like engaging in unhealthy relationships to feel cared about, instead of developing a real sense of self love. Like chewing a lip instead of saying what needs to be said. Some of these coping mechanisms are developed in early childhood and may not make sense to us as adults in the real world, but they made sense to the child and the body still holds on to them as a habitual crutch. And like the child (or animal) who has asked and asked for attention or help, but doesn’t get it, eventually the need stimulus becomes ignored, and we shut down; anaesthetise ourselves physically and emotionally.
I’ve seen this in dog clients. Their guardians may say “he’s not really interested in food”. Actually the dog is desperate for some proper nutrition, but when begging at the table for those juicy morsels of real meat and veg is disallowed or even punished, he simply stops asking. He quietly eats his dried food without appetite and without complaining. No wonder it seems he doesn’t like food – but when presented with real food, you’ll soon see that enthusiasm rise as he realises his need is being met!
This is how some people stop drinking water, or go all day without eating saying they’re ‘not hungry’ when really their body is craving vital nutrition. The body has realised it is not being heard, and has stopped asking. It has shut down on that particular need stimulus. Some people say they just don’t like water, but consider how unnatural this is. Like it or not, the world did not evolve with fountains of soft-drinks – water is a basic need for our body’s survival. Ask any other animal, they know. This shut down response can be experienced in more palpable areas of the body too, when a certain area becomes insensible because we have lost touch with it. Try this on for size. Close your eyes. Without moving at all, take your internal attention to the thumb on your dominant hand. If you have full sensory function then you can probably ‘feel’ it – be aware of it there on the side of your hand, visually imagine it. I’ve little doubt that thumb is pretty busy in day to day life, you engage with each other fairly regularly (don’t get me started on thumb RSI from texting/scrolling!). Now try to take your awareness to the middle toe on one of your feet – again without moving. Unless you’re practiced at this, or are actively using and engaging with all your toes (e.g.: dancers and yogis), you might feel like it’s a bit invisible; you can’t really isolate it in your imagination, can’t really identify its nerve signals. It’s more likely you’ll be aware of a general ‘small toe area’ beside the big toe. That little middle toe is no longer really talking to your consciousness, because, why would it? It just sits there, maybe in a shoe a lot of the time, hanging out with its other little toe friends. You guys don’t really have a relationship anymore, even though it is pretty crucial to your sense of balance (as you’ll know if you injure it!). This kind of self-anaesthesia may also reveal itself in people who love ‘hard massage’. They may say “give me ten out of ten pressure please I can handle it” when really they’ve just stopped feeling pain in certain shut-down areas of the body. I see this in clients from time to time. The more gentle, emotional bodywork we do, the more they open up, the more sensitive those areas become and the more responsibly we can work without bashing vulnerable, shut down areas into submission. It’s a process of gradually re-sensitising the body.
Now have a think about some of the other obvious cycles of the body that manifest with dis-ease. Irregular periods. Infrequency or absence of ovulation. Digestive patterns of constipation and diarrhoea instead of a regular daily cycle of evacuation. Shallow breathing patterns or habitual breath-holding (even the some of the nerves that feedback to the brain telling us to breathe can be de-sensitised!). I like to work with people in these situations by getting them back in touch with their bodies’ need cycles by actively focussing on meeting even the smallest needs as they arise, as quickly as possible. It’s a way of making friends again with the body; teaching it that you are indeed listening, and you will do something about its requests. In this way we open the door for it to start communicating more about its deeper, more complex needs. By learning to interpret and meet these needs we open up the door to healing of all cycles. Try this for yourself if it strikes a chord. For the next month between now and when Part Two of this series is published, please pay particular attention to the following:
THIRST: If you’re not used to drinking a lot of water, you may no longer recognise your body’s requirement for it. It may manifest in your brain as a need to eat, or a desire for liquids other than water. Actively monitor the feelings in your mouth and throat during the day. Is there dryness, a tickle, a sense of emptiness or wanting something, a strange taste? If yes, give yourself water right away, even just a couple of mouthfuls to start with. You will soon see the need increase as your body reconnects with your brain in recognising the need for water and learning to communicate it.
BLADDER: Do not hold on to it! As long as facilities allow, obviously, when you feel you need to wee (or poop for that matter) just get it done. Do what it takes to get it done, even if that means dropping into a pub. Reassure your body that you will not ignore the need and you will listen when it asks.
HUNGER: When you feel that hungry gnaw, close your eyes and sit quietly for a moment. Is it really hunger? From where in the body does the sensation arise? Is it really in the stomach (just below the bottom end of your breastbone, between your ribs) or is it just a sensation in the mouth or throat, or even in the head? This takes practice, go easy on yourself. If it’s in the head, then it may just be habit talking to you. If it’s in the mouth then maybe you’re just thirsty (get water). If it really is genuine hunger then ask your body, “what do I need to eat?” and wait for the answer. If the first impulse is for junk food, or coffee, then ask again. Allow a smorgasbord of vibrant colourful fruit, veg and meat if you eat it, to pass through your imagination until something pops up in the foreground. Now, can you get that thing for your body? Obviously we’re mostly going to feel hungry at habitual mealtimes, and that’s fine – that’s a cycle too – but before eating take stock of what your body might be asking for, and how much it needs. We’ll talk more next time about mindful eating. (N.B.: if you have, or suspect you have an eating disorder, please talk to your doctor or health professional before engaging with this exercise).
HOT/COLD/UNCOMFORTABLE: Really this sounds so basic but I am amazed myself at how much discomfort I sometimes put up with in the name of laziness. So this one is my current practice. Too hot or too cold? Get out of the sun, or put a sweater on, fix it right away. The other day I stripped off my T-shirt, socks and shoes in a traffic jam and drove home in my bra because I was too hot and wasn’t going to take it any longer. Very liberating (but I don’t recommend driving barefoot). And if you’re feeling physically uncomfortable, really, just move. Don’t sit awkwardly in a chair, aware of your aching back, without doing something about it. If you physically can, then move when you need to move.
This stage of the cycle healing process is all about learning to make friends again and communicate with the body, just at its most superficial levels for now. Trust me, it wants to talk. Pop back this time next month for Part Two where we will work on expanding your body’s vocabulary. If you’re going to speak to each other, you need a common language!
Do you recognise a need cycle of your own that isn’t being met? Leave a comment and share the insight, or share with your friends who might need to see this. If you’d like help with anything this article has brought up for you, please feel free to ask. You can also visit www.klbtherapy.com for a range of self-care/self-healing tools to help you on the road.
Lots of love, Katrina x
Recommended reading on healthy cycles: Gestalt Counselling In Action (Petruska Clarkson)
